roadkillgerbil's Journal

Pay me to poledance!
Firstly, for those as don't know, I've taken up poledancing. I have a pole in my kitchen and have been attending weekly lessons for 3 months now and have passed two assessments (yes, you get assessed in poledance too. They'd probably try to give us different coloured belts each time if it wouldn't be too much clothing ~grin~)

So, on to the main reason for the post. This Sat, I'm taking part in a poleathon. The dance school is combining our efforts to produce twelve hours of solid poledancing. For those who don't realise how much work is involved, imagine holding you entire bodyweight off the ground with one hand whilst spinning around a pole at speed and trying to look graceful into the bargain. And that's even before we get into the moves where I'm upside down!

So, I'll be dancing in two of the sets; 4-5pm and 8-9pm. During the first, I'll be doing a series of 4 minute dances and the last I'll only be dancing once, but it'll be to rock music. ~glee~

It's all for charity (Pathway Workshop, a local charity helping to get disabled people into work in Oxfordshire) so please consider either sponsoring me now, or making it down to come and support myself and the other girls crazy enough to think this is a good idea and donate there (Bar Baby Love, King Edward Street, Oxford). If you'd like to donate online, the details can be found at www.danceinspires.co.uk and I would appreciate it if you could put my name in the comments section, so everyone knows how much my friends are willing to pay to see me twirling around on a pole half-dressed. ~grin~ Otherwise, feel free to comment here, and I'll chase you for money once I've finished.

RKG doesn't like motorists much
Why does getting behind the wheel of a car seem to turn the vast majority of people into homicidal maniacs with the self-preservation instincts of a lemming on LSD and the spatial awareness of a 3-day-dead toad?

In the last week, both on the motorbike and in the car, I've experienced some of the worst driving I've ever seen. Guys in Mercedes so far up my arse that I'm starting to wonder if I look like Boy George from behind. A possible suicide attempt as someone else tried to overtake me just before cresting a very steep hill on a single carriageway road when I was already doing 5 miles over the speed limit. Yet another driver apparently navigating by sonar, as they drive at 11pm with no headlights on. Someone else tried to buck the system by going the wrong way around a roundabout. Yet another, drove at just 35 miles an hour on the motorway. It looks like she drank the Kool aid about how speed is dangerous and so decided to make the world a safer place. Others shaving or reading a newspaper whilst driving. And my personal favorite, someone driving across the pavement to reach a parallel (but separate) road, rather than going the
extra 200 yards to reach the junction.

The British roads appear to provide the strongest evidence for creationism I've seen in a long time.

(Also submitted to HBI)

Current Mood: unimpressed

Being Legolas and other stories
Either I'm Legolas or I'm a really, really chilly messiah. Take your pick.

I'm not talking about one of these FB memes or "Which LotR character are you". Nope. I'm the real deal. I can walk on snow (without sinking).

Friday night was absolutely beautiful. I had the day off work as the buses weren't running (more on the fall of the Pretty Lady later) and I spent most of it playing the new computer game I'd got the day before and also the Wii Fit (see Exercise: The Next Generation for more details) and I was bored of being inside. Come 1am, Almosthonest and I went out to play in the snow and moonlight. It was wonderful. The farmland near my place is pretty stunning anyway and by moonlight with waves of snow everywhere. I was a very happy RKG. When I noticed that I wasn't sinking into the snow (unlike himself) and was barely leaving footprints, it was apparent that I'm either Legolas taken form, or a messiah in training. Either way, I'm happy. ~grin~

( The Fall of the Pretty Lady )

( Exercise: The Next Generation )

Not happy RKG
I'm really tired. I'm really, really tired. I've been getting between 2 and 4.5 hours sleep a night for over the past week. I am tired and moody and don't want to play anymore.

As a solution, I went for some retail therapy. I bought 48 jam jars with lids, a tumble dryer part and a jelly bag.

I'm doing it wrong.

Request, offers and boasting
Ok, firstly the request. If anyone living close to me has empty jam jars, please save them and send them in my direction. I have far more blackberries than I can manage (about 1.5 kilos each time I go pick them) and don't have enough jars to put jam in.

On to the offer. For anyone who gives me two empty jam (or pickle, or mayonnaise or mustard etc) jars, I will return one full jar (though only full of jam. Not pickle, mayonnaise etc). Available are
Blackberry jam
Blackberry and apple jam
Blackberry and elderberry jam
Blackberry and currant jam
Blackberry and port jam
Blackberry and bay jam
Blackberry and black pepper jam
Mixed fruit jam (mainly blackberries)
and anything else I come up with in the interim. I'm planning to try adding cinnamon, cardamon, cloves, ginger, cognac and thyme (separately, not all together).

And, as for the boasting, I'm guessing you've already noticed that I'm kinda proud of having grown so many blackberries. In fact, we've done really well with the allotment this year. Almosthonest and I have managed to grow loads of potatoes, sweetcorn, tomatoes (some are now ripe, AH. though you might like to know), onions, salad, spinach, french beans, some peas, carrots, spring onions, redcurrants, whitecurrants, blackcurrants, blackberries, raspberries and apples. I've made 18 jars of jam already this year and am still going strong. Yay. Aren't I a good little housewife?!?

Squee!
Mata (of Little Goth Girl and kitten bondage pr0n fame) is moving to Oxford.

And coming to Intrusion.

Bounce!!

I may be wearing my little goth girl shirt next month.

/fangirl

Exercise and Irony
So, ( Exercise )

So, given that I didn't want to jeapordise my chances within the University by mutilating one of their precious rowers, I'm looking at other gyms. In the meantime, however, I thought I'd head to a Karate club which fits in with my timing. I'm not all that interested in switching martial arts but it strikes me as a good way to get back into shape enough to face Kev, my psycho-ninja instructor.

So, I go to the class and have fun. It's not intensive and is lacking many of the things I think of as basic standards in a martial art, but they're a fun group of people and as long as I only really think of it as keep fit, it's ok. We all go to the pub afterwards (see, I'm being social).

So, I've just been to my first martial arts session in several years. It has also been several years since I last saw Steve The Psycho Housemate of Doom. In fact he is probably the only person I've wished violence on in that time. The irony fairy placed him just inside the door of the pub!

It had to be my first session. It had to be the time I REALLY couldn't come across as a homocidal maniac. It couldn't have happened last week? It couldn't have happened when I'd been going there for a few weeks and they'd had time to see that I was responsible and controlled? No. It had to happen when I was on my best behaviour and yet feeling psyched from the exercise.

Damn I hate having willpower sometimes. It means other people miss out on the terror and pain they justly deserve. :(

Legal system gone mad?
I just found what looked like one of the funniest news stories I'd seen in recent years at http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/7095134.stm

The trouble is, I then started thinking about it. Yes, he was carrying out an unusual sexual act but he was in a locked bedroom at the time and there were no issues of consent, age or other forms of abuse. He was alone. What is he doing on the sex offender's register? It just seems to make a mockery of it. Whilst I don't necessarily agree with the existence of the sex offender's register, I definitely have a problem with one where people with a strange choice of masturbation agent and convicted pedophiles are put into the same category.

Or maybe I'm just taking everything too seriously? Either way, the article's probably worth a look.

Bike broken?
Ok, so I've now found how I can manage to ride the bike despite the problems it has. If I have full choke for the entire ride, it appears to operate normally. Any ideas what could cause this? Riding with the fuel cap open made no difference. Sparks are clean. It has plenty of fuel. It now idles at 1,000 revs, rather than its normal 2.

Hint: Anyone telling me it's both easy and cheap to fix will be much appreciated! :)

Yay!
I've just handed in my notice at Surgery.

There's something to be said for being popular. My Surgery job told me that they wanted me to go full time or leave (though phrased rather more politely). I mentioned this to my Dead Bodies job, and they offered that I could go full time there for more money than I'm currently on.

Unsurprisingly, I chose the one that offered, rather than giving me an ultimatum, and the one that involved more money and a job I actually enjoy. I say unsurprisingly. Surgery seemed a little surprised. :)

Yay. From next month, my life becomes a little easier.

I have a new flat
Ok, contracts have been exchanged. The money has been transferred. The keys are waiting for me to pick them up. I am now in debt. Really big debt.

But I have a pretty flat. Pictures will be available as soon as I have both them and a working internet connection. Not sure how long that will be. I need to do some painting first as well. I have about an hour before I should be leaving work and about 20 mins left of my will power. Ah well.

As a result, I will be offline for about a week, before I come back to work and can at least read email.

RKG is now VERY happy. Thanks to everyone who's had to put up with me turning into a hormonal woman over the whole thing. Almosthonest, in particular, has suffered with the mood swings (based on what the estate agent was telling me at the time). All is now well (until I see the state they left it in. Directions, address and so forth will be made available to those as need/request it.

Parties will be announced in the near future.

Damn pooters
Hey all. Sorry for the recent complete radio silence. Internet has been down. Internet came back up. I was busy sorting other things out and didn't get around to answering emails and other bits and pieces (sorry). Eudora has now decided that it hates me and wants me to die (or at least have no access to email). Replies will, therefore, be a little longer coming than even I normally manage.

I'm honestly not ignoring anyone on purpose (though, if you couldn't guess that one, you haven't known me long. I never pass up the option to Have A Go in favour of The Sulks) and will tie myself to the chair as soon as I have email again until I've made all the replies I need to.

igniscience, I'll call J and let him know I'm out of email contact. If you could let me know if there's anything I need to sort out urgently, I'd be most grateful.

spyder, do you still have the same mobile number? Would it be ok for me to call?

angelustenebris. Muppet! I'll text you.

Anyone who feels like ~~hitting Eudora with a hammer~~ fixing my computer, call me!

December
At this time of year, I always come up with some wonderful ideas for gifts, treats and other fun things. I love making them. I make most of my own decorations (which are actually tasteful). I really should learn my limits, however.

I sew like an epileptic monkey on speed. I'm not sure why people go on about the 'needle in a haystack' problem. That's not difficult. Give up and buy another needle. The 'needle on the sofa' problem is somewhat more difficult. Such items are easily found with appropriate application of buttocks to sofa, but it's not fun. So far, I've spent several hours sticking needles into myself, cutting rough shapes which might be mistaken for half-melted ice-cream stains if I'm lucky and have produced something a 3 year old could be proud of. Well, part of something a three-year old could be proud of, if they bothered to finish it.

Sometimes, it's not the thought that counts. I must remember that there are no bonus points for each additional hole in my finger.

Decisions required
Help is needed to resolve the closest to an argument

almosthonest and I have managed to have (so far...).

She-Ra or The Sorceress?

I think we've found the fundamental difference between us. He's going for She-Ra (on the basis of cleavage). I'm all in favour of The Sorceress (on the basis of thigh and a possible feather fetish).

What's the consensus?

P.s You can't vote for She-Ra. She rode a pink horse. </plaintive>

There are enough people on my friends list who need this
Today's bad mood lasted from the moment I woke up until about 5 minutes ago. The last five minutes of my internal monologue have gone something like this:
"Growl, growl, growl growl, growl. Grump. Growl. Bloody Humans. Growl, growl. Huh? Hummm?!? Awwwwwwwww! Aw, so tiny. Cute, cute, cute. Want, want, want."

There were even reports of a "squeee", but they remain unconfirmed.

Thanks to

ladynina for the advice stolen from somethingpositive

"In a bad mood? Do a google image search on baby penguins"

That shouldn't work. It does. Happy now.

You find some interesting things working in a hospital
Occasionally, I actually read the information put in front of me, despite the fact that it, technically, isn't my job. Some of the things you see in adverts for medical products are terrifying. I saw an advert today for a particular brand of breast implant. They were comparing it's rupture rates with those of the leading brands. Over a period of 1 year, rupture rates for leading brands can be 0.9%. Over 7 years, it rises to 12.4%. Not that I was thinking of them in the first place, but meep!

As the lady said... SQUEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Otherwise known as Goldsmiths managed to do TWO things right

I got a pass with distinction!!!

I rock, I rock, I rock.

Ok, so I got a distinction from Goldsmiths, but I still got it. :-) It's the highest grade available, so I won't complain. *Grin*

This is mainly a Thing because they managed to fail so completely to give me any feedback at all. Me being me, I took the coursework assignments as an opportunity to be mean. Specifically, to explain in detail why all the things they'd carefully explained to us in lectures were actually false, unsupported, misleading or, simply, that their question as phrased was unanswerable and (bluntly) stupid.

When you spend a year (and lots of money) on an MSc with no feedback on any work in all of that time, such sarcasm does make you a little nervous. I knew that my arguments were watertight and the work was original, imaginative and well-constructed. I just wasn't at all sure of their marking criteria. That said, I am now the Queen of Brains!

Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce,

I think the world likes me atm!

Current Mood: See above, duh
Current Music: The bouncing song. Kinda like the bored song, but bouncing!

Is it just me or did the BBC use to be better than this?
Quote from this morning's breakfast TV talking to a muslim woman about headscarves

"well, is it to do with modesty or religion?"

When will they learn? Not everyone in the world subscribes to the modern western relaxed attitude to religion. Not everyone wants to approach issues like that separately from their religion. Just because most people in this country would describe themselves as Christian but have never read their own holy book from cover to cover, let alone having a flick through someone else's does not mean that all the world works that way.

All this talk about the difficulties in communication between different groups. With such blatant a refusal to step outside one's own cultural upbringing, what else could we expect?

Possibly a slightly extreme response to a simple statement but it did reflect a consistent theme throughout the interview and wound me up slightly. Can you tell?

Quote of the day
Today's quote is "It's not my problem".

Today's quote was brought to you by
1. 25 minutes of people standing in my doorway, violently and viciously agreeing with each other about issues that were resolved last week. Please learn to notice when you agree, people.
2. 7 emails concerning sink use.
3. Allocated mug-washing times.
4. The 'if daddy says "no", go ask mummy' approach to problem-solving
5. The 'if daddy says "sure, here's what you need to do sort it out. It'll take you about 5 mins", go ask mummy' approach to problem-solving

Today's quote is to be repeated at any and all interactions with the single person responsible for all of the above.

</rant>

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